Art is Shit

by Andy the Doorbum

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"Art is Shit" is the third Andy the Doorbum full length release.


released April 10, 2009

Written and Recorded by Andy the Doorbum.
Performed by Andy the Doorbum except where noted.


all rights reserved


Track Name: Burn Barrel
Passion's not enough to save the world...
So fuck it.
Do you wanna buy some drugs instead?

We'll go in halfs on what we both want.
And if only everyone could act that way...
Then the world, it would be saved.

Sedate, sedate, sedate.
It would be saved.
Track Name: The Setting of the Fourth Sun
Track Name: Frame of the Flowering Eyebrow
She comes heralding the great false hope
With rubies stitched into her coat
And lesions on her feet.
Oh, but that snake, he's always gonna find
A passage to her insides.
Those eggs are what he eats.
So says the instinct in his teeth...

Swallows them whole. He takes his time.
Lays fat out in the warm sunshine.
His tongue's been rubbing on my cheek
Preventing all attempts to speak
On what may be a sore surprise...
When between her legs she finds...
These dirty hands of mine.

Oh, and he smiled as he defiled my hand.
Reminiscent of that quicksand
You call an orifice.
Sweet beginnings lead to bitter ends.
Just ask that snake and all his friends...
None of them will be missed.

Swallowed them whole. He took his time.
Laid fat out in the warm sunshine.
Her thigh's been pressed against my cheek
Preventing all attempts to speak
And what she will soon realize...
Lies covered in her slime...
These dirty hands of mine.
Track Name: Jack Ketch
Make amends to you,
Not that I care.
My compassion is akin to your life.
It just happens to be there.
You're wearing your skin so tight like its never gonna rot away.

And when I hit the cemetery,
I'd prefer if it were said...
"Here lies the electric impulse that happened to float in his head."
I'm wearing my skin so tight cause I know it will fall off one day.

You're wearing your skin so tight like its never gonna rot away.
Track Name: Headrush in Centralia
I held my breath, the silver waterbugs arrived
Flashing hints of the rainbow.
There is a warmth that only be these means, you'll find.
When darkness comes and swallows your sight whole.

I put my back against the door and down I slide
So I have nowhere left to go.
I meet my friends down where the ember nearly dies.
The kodiak, the possum, and the crow.

Deep inside the Earth a fire groans
Where there used to be a mine.
The people left it to devour the road.
And there's enough coal down there burning it will always be alive.

I'm real bad about finding mountains to climb
If they will alter what I know.
When you find warmth, the only limit then is time.
The parasite, the spider, and the toad.

And deep inside the Earth a fire groans
Where there used to be a mine.
The people left it to devour the road.
And there's enough coal down there burning
Oh, its never gonna die.
Track Name: Catching the Moon in a Mason Jar
There's a man in that tree
He's been yelling to me
About women only he and I can see.
Rubbing oil in their warts.
they are healers, of sorts.
Distorted. Deformed. Like a dead baby horse.
Oh, child go tell the wolves.

There's a home by the train
Looks exactly the same
As it did ten years back it seems as though one day
Those who there, tried to live
Well, they up and just quit.
Left the food in the fridge. Their clothes in the closet.
Oh, what happened to them?

There's a man in that tree
He's been whispering to me
About visions only he and I can see.
Hide my dim little corpse.
I'm a leper, of sorts.
Distorted. Deformed. Like an armadillo.
Oh, torn by the coyotes.
Track Name: Caldera of Wyoming
The next time summer comes that bitch will be brutal.
And I'll be sweating out my stomach into my hand.
Its either that or the death camps...
Where they sing praise to the winds and the rains and the thunderer.
Their worship will make them relentless.
Devouring them like a famine
Then somehow shitting a kiss.

The next time summer bends down and gets herself distracted...
We'll wait for the perfect moment to steal all the children of the Earth.

The next time summer comes, my thirst will be covered in rust.
And I'll be weighing out my thalamus in my shoe.
If I can remember to... experience anything new...
I never will again.
I can't stop sweating.

(I'll be waiting like kids at the bus stop and goddamn, its raining. The river will surely rise up.)
Track Name: Faith Heal't
He grabbed a piece of red hot iron bout four feet long.
He threw it, drew his hand back, but the meat was gone.
So he put his glove back on and he worked until his shift was done.
Blew that fire out his arm.
Healed and never left a scar.
Track Name: Grampa (#2)
Once in a while,
The only things pumping blood to your brain
Are the veins on your face.
But you still manage to plant a field of potatoes.
Oh, but that's not God.
That's just your will despite what they'll preach to me at your funeral.
I'm not a fucking two year old anymore.

Someday you'll be dying.
And so will I. And so will everyone.
There's no two ways around it
And there will be no exceptions.
Just live until you don't.
Push it until it won't.
And if there's no God,
The only sad part's that I'll never see you again.

I'm not a fucking two year old.
Everything ends.
Track Name: Salt, Blood, and Gasoline
I feel like an old animal
Who has no idea what to do.
Surprised that I can even recall
All these words that we have evolved up to.
They're crawling out of my face...

I feel like a bomb on a chest.
I feel like being all I can be.
The way is not well lit
But an explosion would light up something, at least.
And it would start with my face.
Track Name: Whoever Lives Wins
By matter of my ethics
You are fucked beyond reason.
You collapse on the stairwell
Oops, you fell into place.

Suckered into waking up...mutated.
Hey, stool pigeon.

When it comes to this and those
Keep your beak away from it.
Hey, stool pigeon.
Track Name: Dei(m)ty
(Samples were taken from unmarked thrift store tapes)

I want to live and expand and create and build and leave my mark and affect the world with my presence.
And then I look down at the Earth from a plane, and I just want everyone like me to die.
Track Name: Male Calico
Me and my friends, we got some angels we won't talk about.
Down to the fire pit to sort them out.
Rivers of gold laced with traces of some illegal substance
Doesn't matter which one or what its called.
We've done them all.

And I'll walk until there's nothing left to see.
And should my weary heart stop beating tomorrow
Well, take a drink from my Daddy's bottle
And set him free.

Me and my devils got some friends lingering in the swamp.
Been down there ever since the atom bomb.
Rivers of shit and radiation.
A septic substance doesn't matter which one or what its worth...
We were here first.

And I'll walk until there's nothing left to see.
And should this weary heart stop beating tomorrow
Well, take a drink from my Daddy's bottle
And set him free.

Put down that shotgun and come tangle with the mess you've made.
How many years you got left, anyway?
Track Name: Coffin Varnish
That winding down plane's like the roar of a train
Raising up its voice steadily in the dark night
While the track side town sleeps through the sunrise.
They miss the whole thing,
They're used to that old train...

Oh, amphetamines, how have you been?
Oh, narcotics, how the time passes...
Its all coming back now, hallucinogen.
I'll marry the first girl that spits in my face
When I say that she looks like a bottle.

I'm addicted to plenty of things
And they all somehow involve consumption.
Bring the SWAT team to take me away
Cause I am well versed in the cost of my freedom.
And the exit ramp towns...
They see the whole thing.
Every last one of us crammed in our cars
Running from something...
And driving away.
Track Name: Join the Great Majority
Well, hey hey girl, you got the look of a mole
Don't know where you're going but you're gone.
And, hey hey I, I won't live much longer
My heart wasn't built to last.

Heart disease runs in my family.
One day I will die from it... Oh shit.

Well, hey hey girl, where'd you get those diamonds?
It don't matter, you got them on.
And, hey hey life, it strikes quick like a viper
Oh, oh, and it swells up so fast.

Heart disease runs in my family.
One day I will die from it... Oh shit.
Track Name: The Dutch Response: 1568
Call in the Sea Beggars.
An answer to your inquiry.
Every priest they caught, they ate his heart.

Bless this food, Lord.
Strip the prisoners clothes.
Make him straddle that rope
And they will pull it back and forth.

All hail the Sea Beggars.
In response to torture
Every monk they caught, they tied them up.
Used them as human bumpers.

Bless this ship, Lord.
Whenever she runs ashore
Well, that's what the bodies are for
Tied to the side to protect the hull.
Track Name: Kiss of a Human Crocodile
Open up the medicine chest
And empty out your rations.
Sometimes it takes double the dose
To keep from feeling awkward.

The Fifteen year old maid is pregnant.
He promised her that he'd marry her if his wife somehow died...
And as her doctor her carried out her abortion as she sat there, still.
His wife became conveniently ill.

Open up the medicine chest, Edward Pritchard.
Her mother's coming to nurse her to health.
You better make her sick, too.
And before long they'll both be dead.
You'll have the coffin unscrewed so you can kiss the lips you poisoned.

You'll be the last man publicly hanged in your country and one hundred thousand people will be there for your last breath...
So, open up the medicine chest.
Track Name: Slobbery Jaws
You took your finger out from down my throat
And now I'm feeling lost without it.
Hanging around like my tonsils.
Get your arm out of my breathing hole
Or else I'll learn to eat around it.
Never again will I choose your soft skin
Over the hunger that's quivering my jaws... I promise.

Hanging around like my tonsils.
I promise, my mouth never gets too full.
And I swear on your living mother's grave
The enzymes that my spit contains
Will break down everything I've ate.

Jaws. Slobbery Jaws.
Track Name: Godafoss (Waterfall of the Gods)
They came along and got me.
I should have known that it would be
The furthest thing from tenderness
That I'd ever been shown, or seen.
And so it goes, like hills of green.
It could just be the Dramamine
but everything seems fucked.

And you're beautiful in this light.
You're like a drug that I haven't tried yet.
I'd think of anything just to get close to your skull.

Throw your idols into the waterfall.

I walked down that dirt road.
The best thing I'd done in eighteen fucking years.
I remember feeling like a God.

Pull your idols back out of the river and dry them off.
Track Name: It Could be Worse
They pulled over my car.
We all lost a lot of blood over it.
We fled down the dirt road.
One of us never came back.
Oh god, I'm sorry that you were so young.

When I crossed the old bridge
I dumped you like a drug stash.
I fired off a few rounds.
You made my escape flawless.
Oh god, I'm sorry that it was so easy.

Told your daddy you'd think of me always.
I will never tell him I am sorry.
When I get back I'll strike him down
For ever thinking his daughter foolish...
For riding with me.

Now that they've surrounded my room
I'm acting like I will cooperate.
In truth, I don't hope to live long.
I hope them boys out there don't either.
Oh god, I'm sorry your old man couldn't come.
Track Name: Love Song for Cigarettes
This is a love song for cigarettes
Because I need them.
Addictions are better than mouths to feed
So I'll be the one to feed them.
And the man standing in your living room
Warned me not to say this
But my head's been fucked up way too long to find it
Within myself to be embarrassed.
And I must admit that I blushed a bit
At something so fucking hopeless.
Though it may have been the saddest thing
That he had ever witnessed.

So I'll be sweet to him until he rots away.
I will be lenient so long as it suits me.
But if he falls asleep he'll never wake again.
I've got this plastic bag with the power to hush anything.
Especially men trapped in your living room.

And he said yesterday was the happiest day
He'll ever want to forget
But this morning just got worse and worse
And tomorrow's not even here yet.
So we talked on love and substances
That convert the heart to an addict.
And it all hit home quite perfectly
When he bummed my last cigarette from me.

So I will hide from him until he comes this way.
Then I will kiss his mouth with a ceramic ashtray.
And if that puts him out he'll never wake again.
Its time he learned that love and addiction can conquer anything.
Especially men who discover me in their living room.
Track Name: Trepanation
First by flood, then by disease.
Send your letters and ashes to me.
Mountain top cemetery
In the perfect display of atonement.
Nothing higher than mountain tops.

And in the Spring the grubs will climb up from their logs.
Drinking dandelion wine. Slaughtering hogs.
And in the Fall the air is crisp.
The trees, they'll moan.
Breaking wrists with rounded stones.

Life, the ultimate offering.
I act as if only I possess it.
Lay your head down on my knee.
Knock a hole so the demons will exit.
Take me up there and throw me off.

And on the Solstice, oh, my axe...
I'll worship her.
In the tangle briar patch the sun will blur.
And when the snow melts off that hill
The ark will float.
Bailing water out the boat...
Track Name: Albert
Owl bird, Owl bird.
Why are you staring in the window?
Why are you staring in the mirror?
Why are you looking at my soul?
You don't know but I'll be picking branches.
Why are your eyes a-looking hollow?
Its about time.

We gotta roll, we gotta roll right now.
We won't know, and we don't know it anyhow.
We'll be sucked, we got sucked underneath the plow.
Reap, sow.

Scarecrow, scarecrow.
Why is your straw on my women?
Oh what? You know, well, you can have them.
And let's just call that sharing.
In the morning you'll be picking branches.
Oh what? You know, well, you can have it...
All of that gold.

We gotta roll, we gotta roll right now.
We won't know, and we don't know it anyhow.
We'll be sucked, we got sucked underneath the plow.
Reap, sow.

Hey there, Mary, Mary
Mother of Confusion.
Do you expect me to know what I'm doing?
Well, good luck with that.
You mistook me for a greater power.
But don't worry I still promise to cower
When I'm in your presence.

It looks good when the grass is brown.
We don't know, but we're working on strapping it down.
So swing a hatchet when you're coming to town.
Heave, ho.
Track Name: Salvation Rancher
This one's for every single one that ever cowered
Behind something that wouldn't conceal you
Like a bullet proof vest or a gas station counter.
Paid poorly to eat someone's shit...
Well, that's about as good as you'll get.

Thanks alot for everything, it meant so much
At least when it was fresh.
Whatever it is you want, I'll bet I can guess.
I've seen the better part of the Norwegian Sea
And never will it mean quite as much to me
As it did when it carried my ship...

And what I do don't concern you, so I'm an asshole
If I won't apologize...
And I never will.
You could be doing alot better things with your time
Than slurping up what's left of mine.
Track Name: Rock n' Roll is Dead
Rock n' Roll is dead.
Found her beside the road
Now she sleeps in the dumpster.
She's the best friend that I ever fed.
But that won't bring her back
I hope she didn't suffer.
And there's nothing at all that will ever change this...

Because Rock n' Roll is dead.
Now my sweetheart is gone
All that's left is her uneaten food.
Let us make you your last little bed.
That's the least we could do
Little girl, we'll all miss you.
And there's nothing at all that will ever change this...

She's resting her sweet little head.
Rock n' Roll is dead.
What else is there left to be said?
Rock n' Roll is dead.

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